Category Archives: my own worst enemy

enemy mine

Ever since reading Hillbilly Elegy something has been niggling at me.  It isn’t that I related to the poverty, misery or even the daily life situations of the hillbillies in Appalachia.  What I related to and what bothered me was … Continue reading

Posted in family of origin, feelings, my own worst enemy, relationship | 3 Comments

happy birthday kaleidoscope life!

I’ve had Leslie Gore singing in my head…. “It’s my body and I’ll cry if I want to…”  I know it’s “party” not “body”.  “You would cry too if it happened to you” though.  Which may be an obscure reference to … Continue reading

Posted in my own worst enemy, no man's land | 5 Comments

shame on me

Let’s begin with a big fat sigh.  I need to focus.  Focus on good things, positive things, important things.  There is a lot in my life that I am competent at.  I have accomplishments and achievements worthy of satisfaction.  Some … Continue reading

Posted in everyday stuff, my own worst enemy, parenting | 4 Comments

perception is 9/10 of the law

The more I accept, acknowledge, name, and validate me, the more me I am.  Or something like that.  It’s been a while since I have done anything intentional or purposeful to hide the fact that I am transgender.  I’m dressing (not … Continue reading

Posted in my own worst enemy, no man's land | 4 Comments

up the down staircase

  Well well well, here we are again, like a bad penny always turning up, the circuitous path that corkscrews constantly, always beginning and ending in the same place, my very own ouroboros.  If I had a coat of arms, … Continue reading

Posted in my own worst enemy, no man's land | 7 Comments

listen, do you want to know a secret? do you promise not to tell?

  Well well well.  Here I am on the other side of Thanksgiving and the whirlwind celebrations in St. Louis.  I think it all went fairly well.  In no small part thanks to Valerie 🙂   I even think there … Continue reading

Posted in my own worst enemy, no man's land | 9 Comments

noticeable changes and the panic attack that won’t end

What a jumbled post this is.  This post that is taking me days and weeks and now into months to formulate.  I began this blog on my birthday 4 years ago.  4 years ago when I had just learned the … Continue reading

Posted in feelings, my own worst enemy, no man's land | 4 Comments

if she knew what she wants

I wish I had a clear view of the future.  To be honest, some days I wish I had a clear view of the present.  I have never hidden (nor been ashamed of) the fact that I love the 80s. … Continue reading

Posted in my own worst enemy, no man's land | 5 Comments

T for me?

I’m slipping back into a dysphoric depression that I don’t want to be in.  Which is better, I guess, than being in one and not caring.  I’ve spent my life being told everything about me is wrong.  And everything I … Continue reading

Posted in my own worst enemy, no man's land | 7 Comments

Playing with the boys

It must be pretty clear by now that hockey is the single thing that gives me pure unadulterated joy.  Don’t get me wrong, there are things that give me joy, things I love.  I love my spouse and our partnership gives … Continue reading

Posted in my own worst enemy, no man's land | 3 Comments