Category Archives: family of origin

carnival life

It had been several months since I’d last been in touch with my brother Peter.  We go through periods like that.  Especially if he’s *not in a good way* or trying to hide something from me.  Sometimes I just don’t … Continue reading

Posted in brother's keeper | 2 Comments

happy day mother-f*&%#$@

I remember learning the concept of catch-22 in junior high school when I half-read the novel of the same name, by Joseph Heller.  I remember being surprised by how much it bothered me, though I couldn’t quite figure out why.  Nobody in … Continue reading

Posted in family of origin, feelings | 2 Comments

response and responsibility

I often know when something is not going to end well, when an idea, even in it’s germinating state, is not a good one.   We all do.  Those are the moments when my inner voice urgently entreats, “no good can … Continue reading

Posted in family of origin, feelings, Uncategorized | 2 Comments

enemy mine

Ever since reading Hillbilly Elegy something has been niggling at me.  It isn’t that I related to the poverty, misery or even the daily life situations of the hillbillies in Appalachia.  What I related to and what bothered me was … Continue reading

Posted in family of origin, feelings, my own worst enemy, relationship | 3 Comments

neither fish nor fowl

I will cut to the chase.  I have come to the conclusion that I am attempting to live above my station.  And I am just realizing that that is where too many of my troubles stem from. I just finished reading … Continue reading

Posted in family of origin, Uncategorized | 1 Comment

brother

A little more than a week into his absence Peter’s number appeared on my phone early on a Saturday morning.  With equal parts dread and relief I answered, expecting to hear his voice.  But it was the tiny mousy voice of a little … Continue reading

Posted in brother's keeper | 7 Comments

a trip to papa’s pool, down memory lane and back again

It wouldn’t be summer without my annual kvetch and grumbling about my body.  First world problems to be sure.  Still, this dysphoria thing is real.  I mean, I always knew it was real, even before I had a word for it. … Continue reading

Posted in family of origin, feelings, no man's land, parenting | 7 Comments

deja vu

It’s like watching a drowning scene in a movie.  Someone falls off (or is pushed off, or jumps off) a ship, and with beautiful and savage blue-ocean surrounding them they bob in and out of sight, sinking below the water, … Continue reading

Posted in brother's keeper | 6 Comments

pardon me, do you have a penis?

It’s getting to the point where I feel, if not the need, at least the desire to tell people something.  I mean, not just any something.  I feel like there are people in my life with whom I need (and … Continue reading

Posted in family of origin, no man's land | Leave a comment

mommie dearest

I haven’t had contact with my mother in a dozen years.  Don’t judge me (at least not until you’ve walked the proverbial mile in my shoes).  In that time I have blocked her from my phone, moved several times, changed email carriers … Continue reading

Posted in brother's keeper, family of origin | 7 Comments