Author Archives: halitentwo

About halitentwo

i am. god is. we are. as soon as i write something about me i change, am different, evolving. i am trans. i am a parent. i am a partner. i am a human. i am attempting to live a well-lived life in the spaces in between, beyond definition, fluid, dynamic, omnifarious and always changing. hopefully growing.

t plus or minus 5

I don’t know why I’m having such a hard time writing this post.  The reality is that it should be easy-peasy, super-cinchy.  It should have written itself now that I think of it.  But it hasn’t and it isn’t.  And … Continue reading

Posted in no man's land | Leave a comment

sometimes you win

Sometimes you win.  And sometimes you lose.  And sometimes you win the battle but lose the war.  Or something profound like that.  With spring weather kind of sort of here, I’m feeling a bit philosophical i guess.  I’m just realizing … Continue reading

Posted in everyday stuff, parenting, relationship | 1 Comment

all the ladies

It has been literally years since Emily and I have had a night out without children.  As part of Emily’s birthday celebration recently, she and I went out with friends for a grown up dinner.  So it was a very … Continue reading

Posted in everyday stuff, no man's land | 2 Comments

everything and nothing

There was much bickering and deliberating in the meeting halls of my mind.  The choice no longer whether I would start testosterone or not, but when, where and how.  The easier decisions were logistical, even concrete.  Testosterone gel is applied daily … Continue reading

Posted in feelings, no man's land | 2 Comments

happy day mother-f*&%#$@

I remember learning the concept of catch-22 in junior high school when I half-read the novel of the same name, by Joseph Heller.  I remember being surprised by how much it bothered me, though I couldn’t quite figure out why.  Nobody in … Continue reading

Posted in family of origin, feelings | 2 Comments

winner winner chicken dinner

I’ve written and rewritten this particular post about a million times.  Mostly I’ve gotten stuck on the opening paragraph.  I’ve been trying to write an introduction that captures my actual feelings.  I want to convey the level of delirious rapture, … Continue reading

Posted in blessings, feelings, no man's land | 1 Comment

restless equanimity

I wish I could say I spent the time between being prescribed testosterone and actually getting the testosterone in some kind of humble, mindful, contemplative, equanimity.  I didn’t.  I was a walking bag of anxious irritation.  Hey, I’m nothing if not consistent. … Continue reading

Posted in feelings, in the spiritual realm, Uncategorized | 5 Comments

simplicity itself

I finally had my *follow up* appointment with the doctor.  It went pretty much as I expected.  She patiently (and slowly) went over the pros, cons, potential side-effects and whatever else of testosterone with me (again).  I sat literally on the … Continue reading

Posted in no man's land | 2 Comments

response and responsibility

I often know when something is not going to end well, when an idea, even in it’s germinating state, is not a good one.   We all do.  Those are the moments when my inner voice urgently entreats, “no good can … Continue reading

Posted in family of origin, feelings, Uncategorized | 2 Comments

co-ship

We had an interesting discussion with a friend at dinner the other night that sparked some interesting thoughts and feelings for me.  Emily’s friend Annie is a total sweetheart.  She’s a kind and very good-hearted person who has had more … Continue reading

Posted in feelings, no man's land, relationship | 5 Comments