What an interesting and yet somehow odd week. A weird dichotomy of feeling both settled and unsettled. I’ve had lovely times with my children. Out in the garden, planting vegetables and laughing over sprayed water and spilled soil. I’ve basked in the perfect spring weather, hiked in secret nature spots in my own neighborhood, and have found depth and solidity in my work. Yet Emily was away with a friend and I felt her absence keenly. And, single-parenting is way too hard. Even for just one night. A dear friend’s father died and I so resonated with her sadness and the loss of him. I spent but a weekend in his presence (at her wedding) and yet, the radiance of his being was so extraordinary that I experienced a palpable peacefulness that kept me looking all that weekend to be near him. The loss of a father too, reminds me of my own father, gone too soon. Such a monumental change. I remember when that tear was new, the pain so searing. Could it really have been so long ago? How is it that time, like sand through my fingers, slips quietly away leaving so vast a change like a whisper? So have I been spending my time mulling. I’ve also been preparing for the holiday of Shavuot and reflecting on the Torah, or wisdom, I’ve gained this year. And perhaps even cumulatively over a lifetime. I can feel myself stretching and growing, learning and exercising new skills, new thoughts, new outlooks. Yes, I am changing in some pretty monumental ways myself.
And I’m not the only one changing. As the front cover of Time magazine proclaimed this week, we are on the edge of a new frontier. The magazine arrived and I could not believe my eyes. “The Transgender Tipping Point” writ large for all the world to see. Where have I been that trans-issues have come so far as to be on the front cover of Time?! Perhaps just busy examining my own bellybutton lint and microscopic dramaturgy and trying desperately to get out of my own way? I was still trying to figure out Casey Legler, the female model for men’s fashion. Have you seen her? Interesting even though I don’t necessarily relate myself.
And if that weren’t enough, I’ve been riveted to the photographs by Meg Allen in her album “butch“. Fantastic photos of so many different people all over the butch spectrum. Just gorgeous. Or, should I say, handsome.
As I continue to learn more about who I really am, and where I fit in, I am deeply grateful for all those who are continuously paving the way. Yes, times they are a’changing. Thank you.