hockey – balm for the soul and for the body

Hockey’s new league, night one last night. Playing on the big ice with the big girls. Another arena I’m not sure I belong. I’m almost good enough to be beyond the skills set. And clearly still not good enough to be in the league. Nothing like a taste of jr high school at 46. Invited to try out though, so I’m there. And there is where I was, getting my ass kicked, until after 11:00pm. Which means I didn’t get home until after midnight. Not exactly the elixir to salve this deep rumbling cough I’m fostering.

But it sure is good for my soul. Pushing my body almost beyond endurance, sweating, panting, muscles aching, all good. And even when the alarm went off this morning, even after only 3 or so hours of sleep, I felt positive and upbeat – no regrets. Now on to Yom Kippur.

For me they are the days of awe for sure. But not the days of standing in judgement. I really feel like most of us spend a great deal of time judging ourselves and beating ourselves up for the slightest things all year long. We don’t need an extra 10 days to intensify that. I believe what we need in these 10 days is a little extra kindness. Starting with some maitri and then extending it out to the next guy. For those of us who have a history of self-loathing, maitri is a very difficult practice. Offering kindness and compassion to oneself does not come naturally. Years of working on it have made it easier, though still not second nature.  So what have I done in these past 10 days to be kind to myself? Well, hockey for one. Blogging could be on the list I suppose if I didn’t feel so frenetically compelled to write. Offering kindness to others ranks high on my feel-good list.

Today as I was leaving the house I got a facebook message from Maya saying that she’d finished the “Game of Thrones” and was desperate for the second book in the series. I ran right back into the house, grabbed books 2, 3 and 4 and called her as I drove to drop Jo off at school. I made the trip to BU (where she works) and gave her the books. A good deed done with pure heart and no strings attached.

I’m ready for kol nidre.

About halitentwo

i am. god is. we are. as soon as i write something about me i change, am different, evolving. i am trans. i am a parent. i am a partner. i am a human. i am attempting to live a well-lived life in the spaces in between, beyond definition, fluid, dynamic, omnifarious and always changing. hopefully growing.
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