whirlwind days and sleepless nights

What a day. I feel like I have been up and on the move (in that “I’m being electrified” sort of way) since my eyes flicked open early this morning. And even before that, thanks to our much loved and still sleep averse 2 year old, I was shocked awake repeatedly throughout the night to the tune of her shrieks, calls and insistence that she was done sleeping.  I’m exhausted. Both physically and mentally. The preparation that I should be doing… oh heck, I’ve already complained about it. Even I’m sick of hearing it.

The frenetic nature of the day was compounded by the fact that I’d booked quality pre-Rosh Hashanah time with Tracy today and while my soul needed it and my heart yearned for it, I really had no business doing anything but working. On top of that Em had no one to watch Nina while she was at radiation, so I had Nina. And yet, despite the hectic pressure of the day, there was much to be amazed by and grateful for.

I am the TA (for lack of a better title) in a beginning chaplaincy class. And while I am bound by a sacred covenant of strict confidentiality, I can say that I am humbled to be part of such a group and so very grateful to share my humanity with them. As always, my favorite Longfellow quote comes to mind:

“If we could read the secret history of our enemies, we should find in each man’s life sorrow and suffering enough to disarm all hostility.”

All the moreso those who quietly surround us every day. The pain and sorrow and guilt and fear we carry with us that no one sees is nothing short of breathtaking. I have to remind myself more often before I jump to judgment, that everyone has a history, everyone has a sadness, a pain. Every person around me has a childhood I know nothing about, a home life I know nothing about, hopes and fears I am not privy to. There is so much I do not know. What I do know though, that was reinforced today, is that everyone wants, yearns, needs to belong to something, to someone.

And in the moments between being scheduled I tried out some new Creole sentences. Awesome.

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About halitentwo

i am. god is. we are. as soon as i write something about me i change, am different, evolving. i am trans. i am a parent. i am a partner. i am a human. i am attempting to live a well-lived life in the spaces in between, beyond definition, fluid, dynamic, omnifarious and always changing. hopefully growing.
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