Hello world indeed. I should have known it would be more difficult than I first thought. I mean, this idea to blog every day for one full year. I’d call it the year of living. Or the year of living dangerously. The year of really living. The year of being aware. At any rate, the year. Already bogged down in labels. A topic to be tackled over and over again I’m sure. So many goals, so little time. And already here it is day one of the big blogdown and it being only 8:00pm and I’m already too tired, making excuses, not wanting to write. A rather uninspired way to begin for certes.
Today is my birthday, well, my birthday coming to a close. I thought I turned 47 today, but alas, it was pointed out to me (math never having been my strong suit) that I am actually 46. 46, 47, what difference does it make, neither is a significant number in any reality. Even less relevant in the middle of this rather challenging (to say the least) year. But admittedly one of my better birth days. Used to be I’d pretend to ignore it, refuse to celebrate and then only be left with gifts I didn’t want and resentment I couldn’t tame. I had a list this year. mainly because I’ve been so burdened that I felt I deserved some kind of recognition, something to acknowledge the formidable year I’ve been working through, a payback of sorts. So I had a list of gifts I wanted: an ipad, a 300 zoom lens, binoculars, and a kryptonite bike lock to name a few. Things, none too cheap, but still things. Interestingly enough, as the list of material desires grew, so did my list of goals for the year.
I want to be a better spouse. I want to be more tender, more demonstrative. I want to speak the gratitude I feel for having the amazing wife and family and life I have. I want to be a better parent; more involved with, attentive to and deeply present for my children day to day. I want to be a better chaplain. I want to be more mindful, more centered, more grounded, more spiritual, more deeply connected. I want to practice music, learn a language, capture nature with my camera. I want to be more ritually involved, be more joyful, grateful and daring. I want to pay my bills on time. Ok, slow down buddy. Some goals are just too lofty.
The gauntlets are down though. I’m entering this year as the challenger, not the challenged. I’m owning this life. I’ve signed up for an ice hockey league where I’ll be playing twice a week. And while this won’t address my deeper body issues, it will at least allow me some peace in my body. I found a program and tutor to study Haitian Creole so that I can more deeply connect with my colleagues and friends. I haven’t signed up for the one time piano class next Monday…. but I’m working on that. And I did get the zoom lens So I’ll be taking photographs.
And so begins the big blogdown.